Liz Furl shows us how to support men in their moments of weakness.
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Masculinity and the desire for it is bred into men from boyhood. Boys don’t cry. C’mon now—be my big man. Be strong. Be strong.
This is unequivocally carried into adulthood, into manhood, and, most relevantly here, into their relationships.
I am the wife of a strong man, the strongest man I know. He has protected me in every way possible, sitting on a barstool at my workplace for eight hours because of the threat of a ‘visit’ from my abusive father, setting aside his personal vendettas against an ex who had caused me innumerable pains to tell him firmly to leave me alone, carrying the burdens that come with marrying a woman with bipolar disorder with empathy and broad shoulders.
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You might say the you cannot speak the word ‘weakness’ about a man without stealing part of his masculinity away. I disagree.
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These strengths are a large part of why I love him, but I would not love him so fiercely if it were not for his weaknesses.
You might say that you cannot speak the word ‘weakness’ about a man without stealing part of his masculinity away. I disagree.
My husband is the strongest man I know, and he has shed tears. When he sent his baby boy, the cat he raised from infancy, to live with his ex-girlfriend because he knew she needed him more, he wept, and I shared in those tears as I held his hand.
My husband is the strongest man I know, and he has spent days working from home because he felt a weary weight upon his mind and soul. His eyes were tired and his body ached with sadness and I shared in that sadness, keeping by with nourishment—physical and emotional—to bear him up the best I could.
My husband is the strongest man I know, and he been devastated by people he once thought of as friends. He has spoken passionately and deep into the night about the years he has shared with men who have struck against the bonds those years created, and I sat nearby as he paced, honoring his pain with my silence.
I love my husband dearly, not in spite of these moments, but ever more because of them.
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There are many ways to support the strength of a man in his times of weakness, each of them as individual as the man himself. That task is left to the ones who love.
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There are many ways to support the strength of a man in his times of weakness, each of them as individual as the man himself. That task is left to the ones who love.
There is one way to support all men in their strength and masculinity, though. Acknowledge that weakness does not hinder strength, but builds the foundation for it through the empathy and caring that is the mark of all unencumbered masculinity.
Photo—Kent Yoshimura/flickr
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